Theos-Talk Archives (July 1998 Message tt00107)

Eldon B Tucker <eldon@theosophy.com> writes

and Alan comments .....

>Having read many of the postings regarding Alan Bain's situation,
>I've reached the point where I'd like to make a few comments of my
>own.
>
>The situation might be called "Bob's Problem" since everything is
>centered about his reaction to the real possibility of having to
>move.  Alan has indicated that Bob, his roommate, cannot handle a
>move, and may take his life, or kill someone, or go crazy.

He is not my "roommate" - he shares the house and has his own room.
>
>There are a number of players in this situation.
>
>First is Bob himself. In the final analysis, he has to take
>responsibility for his life, and learn to cope with change. He
>needs to heal himself, learn to change and grow, and over time
>work on serious psychological problems. In order to remain
>functional, and not end up institutionalized, he needs to take
>care of himself, drawing on help from others, but not giving up on
>trying to direct his own life, within the parameters set by his
>personal karma.

Repeat: BOB IS MENTALLY DISABLED, AND BECAUSE OF
THIS CANNOT DO ANY OF THE ABOVE. IF HE COULD,
THERE WOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM.
>
>Then comes Alan. Alan has been warned that he'll have to be
>moving, and has a roommate with serious problems. Alan needs to
>define his relationship with that roommate, Bob, to decide to what
>extent he will be friend, guardian, healer, protector, and parent
>to him. Is Bob Alan's dependent? Alan needs clarity of mind and
>heart regarding what to do, especially if things don't work out
>the way he hopes.

"Alan needs?" - For ********* sake, do you really suppose that Alan
hasn't done ALL of these things already?  My commitment to be a real
"brother" to Bob goes back 14 years to a period when he was not as
badly off as now, and was able to act as a "brother" to me.  There is no
way I would abandon him.  Yes, he is, therefore, my dependent, by my
choice.  If I found myself on the battlefield with Arjuna, then as his
brother, I would have to fight, as Arjuna did.
>
>A third player in this drama is Alan's landlord, perhaps an
>individual, or maybe a family, the owner of the farm where he
>rents a house. We might ask the question: Is Bob a dependent of
>Alan's? With regard to the landlord, we could ask the same
>question: Are Bob and Alan dependents of the family owning the
>farm?

No.

> If you had a house to rent, and you rent it to a handicapped
>person, do you undertake special responsibilities to them,
>responsibilities above and beyond the normal rules regarding
>renting out your property? I didn't notice anything regarding
>wrong-doing by the landlord in any of the postings.

There isn't any.  He assured us he wanted a very long tenancy, but
*his* circumstances have changed for the worse as well.  He is a good
guy.

> The two-months
>notice to move is better than many people have in the USA, where
>if someone goes off a lease, they're on month-to-month notice, and
>could be asked to move upon 30-day's notice.

I am not in the USA, so what is the point of this remark?
>
>The fourth player in this drama are the members of the
>theosophical mailing lists, people having read and reacted to
>Alan's plea for help. The reactions have been varied. As I read
>some of the postings I wonder how much people really feel what
>they write. It's fairly important to be consistent in what one
>says and what one does in life. One's words and actions should be
>in accord. How many who have eagerly advocated "give generously!"
>have actually written a $500 or $1000 check to Alan?

I'll let you know. Some have written checks, sent cash. There is more
on the way.

> If one's
>generosity is limited to *encouraging others to give*, then it's
>questionable. A compassion that calls on others to give while
>giving nothing oneself is a fraud, a pretense. One should not hold
>others to a higher standard than one holds oneself.

Wrong.  Some people who really cannot afford to give have e-mailed
me and said so.  They have also offered me meditations and helpful
thoughts.  I am more grateful to those people than I am for this post of
yours, and they are equal in my eyes with those who could and *have*
given.
>
>This does not mean that everyone is in the position of giving
>money. And it doesn't mean than money is the solution to Bob's
>problem. Perhaps he'll kill himself, or a neighbor, or go insane
>anyway;

<snip>

Now that is REAL compassion, Eldon!

>Someone with psychological problems may feel helpless, unable to
>cope with the world, and may lean heavily on people about him/her.
>That person may compensate for the feeling of powerlessness by
>trying to control people about them, using threats of suicide,
>etc. to make people do what they want. I can't really tell if this
>is happening now, if Bob is doing this,

No, you can't.  I CAN.  I already said so. It is not a threat, it's an
illness. Bob is *officially* disabled, and afraid of his own disability - he
does not want to manipulate anyone.  I have already said all of this, in
essence.

> but it takes us back to
>Alan's basic need: clarity of mind and heart, leading to a knowing
>what the right thing to do is, regardless of how things turn out
>(e.g. whether he gets the money or not, whether he finds a good
>place to move to or now, whether he wants to continue living with
>Bob or not, whether Bob actually needs to be institutionalized or
>not, etc.)

ALAN HAS DONE THIS ALREADY.  ALAN APPEALED TO
THE PEOPLE HE THOUGHT WOULD BE HIS THEOSOPHICAL
"BROTHERS".

AND HE HAS TO READ *THIS* KIND OF POST!

"Theosophy is as theosophy analyzes" seems to be the true message of
some.

Jeez!