Theos-Talk Archives (October 2006 Message tt00442)

Thanks, Gary.  I googled Haim Ginott and for the benefit of others who 
might be interested in more from this remarkable man, here is a good 
link: http://eqi.org/ginott.htm#Between%20Parent%20and%20Teenager

As you know, Ginott's books are aimed at parent-child and 
teacher-student relationships.  As I consider us a family of students of 
theosophy on theos-talk, I find this additional guidance from Ginott 
meaningful and applicable to the way we treat each other here. 
<<"Rebellion follows rejection."

Differentiate between acceptance and approval.

Ginott offers these suggestions:

   * Don't invite dependence
   * Don't hurry to correct facts.
   * Don't violate his privacy.
   * Avoid clichés and preaching.
   * Don't talk in chapters.
   * Don't label him.
   * Don't use reverse psychology.
   * Don't send contradictory messages.
   * Don't futurize.

"Concerned adults serve best when with confidence they stand and wait." 
Futurizing breeds stress and fear.

Insult cuts deeper and lasts longer when it comes from the parent. p 36


*Truth for its own sake can be a deadly weapon in family relations. 
Truth without compassion can destroy love. Some parents try too hard to 
prove exactly how, where and why they have been right. This approach 
cannot but bring bitterness and disappointment. When attitudes are 
hostile, facts are unconvincing. p. 38*

He quotes a child:

   My father is sensitive to temperature but not temperament. He is 
totally unaware of emotions and moods. He does not read between the 
lines, and cannot sense words unsaid. He can talk at length without ever 
becoming aware that he has lost his audience. He does not see signs of 
obvious boredom. He never notices that he has lost an argument. He 
merely thinks he has failed to make his position clear. He talks but 
does not communicate. He teaches and pontificates, and runs any 
conversation into the ground. p 42>>

peace within,

--bill




Gary Barnhart wrote:
> Subject: Quote...
>
> "I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive
> element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is
> my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to
> make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an
> instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In
> all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is
> escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized.
> If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat
> people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable
> of becoming."
> -- Haim Ginott
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>