Theos-Talk Archives (September 2004 Message tt00027)

Paul [writing to Erica]:

At 02:28 PM 9/1/2004, you wrote:

> I think it would be more effective to actually start new discussion
> threads on topics one considers preferable, as opposed to telling
> others their interests are inappropriate or unworthy of discussion.
> The latter course only adds fuel to the fire, because people don't
> like attempts to stifle them.
I'd agree that's the best approach. Saying, "Don't talk about this," is the 
best way to make someone want to discuss it more. On the other hand, 
bringing up something so interesting that other people all start jumping in 
with their ideas -- that's by far the best approach when things start 
looking bad.

Other times, we can see that a thread is retracing its own steps, going 
nowhere, and it's time to move on.

Apart from the question of starting new threads or ending old ones, there's 
the practice that you, I, Erica, and all the rest of us need to follow so 
that we can coexist with each other, given the diverse backgrounds and 
viewpoints. That is to acquire the habit of hitting <DELETE> for messages 
discussing things we're bored with or don't like or may be offended by. It 
could be long-winded preaching, discussions of sex, condemnation or 
unqualified praise of historic figures, or highly-partisan politics.

We don't have to answer everything we don't like, because over time the 
effort would wear any of us down. We're in a cosmopolitan meeting place and 
get exposed to many more different people and ideas than we might in going 
to our favorite theosophical, religious, political, or scientific meetings.

A second thing we continually need to be reminded of is that we're talking 
to real people. Even though we're communicating using the impersonal media 
of email messages, hundreds of others will read what we say and not just 
think a response, but feel something. If we are not careful in our writing, 
even innocent remarks can be read the wrong way and others may feel hurt. 
This skill, fortunately, comes with practice, and those of us that have 
been active for a while can usually identify newcomers.

The other thing that's easy to forget is that there's two aspects to a 
discussion. As Jerry or April Hejka-Ekins might tell us, there's the 
content and the process. The content is what we're literally saying. The 
process is how we go about interacting with each other. Say at a lodge 
meeting, a dozen people are present, discussing a topic. How they talk with 
each other, who gets to speak, who is recognized, who is encouraged to 
participate -- all this is part of the process. A group may consider it 
fine that the most vocal people dominate the meeting and many spend the 
evening sitting and watching -- "lurking" in person. Another group may want 
to have more overall participation, and a process-minded person in the 
group may pointedly ask some of the quiet people what do they think of 
what's being said.

-- Eldon