Theos-Talk Archives (March 2004 Message tt00265)

Cream Stationery


hi pal

continuing my saga on ego, the black devil ! This devil, particularly is a
sharp guy, that kills people !

Material success may enlarge your ego - making u self possesive / praise
prone/ criticism averse ! The praise prone / self possesiveness may
metamorphosise into a phobia / mania - that makes them avoid people. They
are criticism / comments averse & hence afraid to face people - they cannot
ridicule themselves ! Understand, buddy, that u r not failure / mistakes
insured ! U may commit mistakes / face failures, any time & be ready to face
people / critics , anytime ! Don't start living in a shell !

When being casual / carefree is the trick to be sharp and performance
oriented, in today's business, being casual is all about disowning oneself &
not expecting recognition / respect (Recognitions / fame / kudos come
automatically from fellow humans, when u put up a good show, in anything).
Expectation of the same is like a void /vacuum/ hole / vessel, that has to
be filled up to make u a normal guy. Well, till such time, that your vessel
of mind is filled with the water of recognition, u r not gonna be normal !
D'u need to be so? Again, buddy, when u attain the state of not expecting
recognition, the same comes to u automatically - Not expecting kudos is one
aspect that the humans like in fellow humans ! Your respect / dignity is
inversely proportional to thy ego ! I feel that it is a waste of time,
wasting your time, establishing an identity for your shell (body), due to
ego.

Well, pal, being good and positive, doing your duty, giving the best,
whatever u do is the best way u gain a good esteem - but for a man with huge
ego, the time taken for getting the same may be very high and the magnitude
of the esteem gained so, may not be sufficient to fill up his ego, too. He
looks for a short cut and resorts to exhibitionism. The parameters assigned
by him to gain recognition are money, physical strength, not a good
character, necessarily. All this recognition / respect / value / esteem is
only pumped into a worthless shell of a body ! Very unfortunate !

Being one's natural self is the trick u gain esteem & a feel good factor &
remember, the natural self of all homo sapiens is only lovable - who
wouldn't love a baby child - well, I think the natural self of a homo sapien
is that of a baby (his own self, when he was born) ! Humans born on earth
are blemishless but acquire a craving for recognition in due course,
especially in teens ! They start thinking in terms of 'I', 'me', 'my'... -
well, u know, My name is ... ( has to be modern, can't afford to have an old
styled one), am residing at ... ( has to be in a posh locality - no village
/ countryside, pal), my company is ...( has to be a blue chip
multinational, fortune 500), my business, my product, my dad / mom / wife /
children ( have to be modern / elegant, even if unnatural and artificial) -
Everything has to be 100 % perfect, no negatives allowed. Honestly, this
man with ego is all set to go to doldrums, sooner or later, b'cos, it is not
to be !

This guy involves in

1. Exhibitionism : A sort of knee jerk reactions, to show his sharp IQ /
loyalty / management skills. Sometimes he puts up a divine face to show his
mental goodness / patience... Soaks himself in principles, that he
practices consciously and not sub consciously ( like bearing a grudge and
putting up a smiling face). Say, this man says piously that he is practising
patience - He is not so, well within - Everytime, he encounters a situation
he feels angry, he cannot express, as it would violate his principle of
patience (Pseudo patience, in fact - a sort of forcing himself into the
golden virtue of patience) . He stays put, again, to feel bad, all through
the situation and holds a grudge on the creator of the situation ! This is
only a psychological inhibition to well being ! Never say never - I will
never be angry... & not accepting the unacceptible is the last stumbling
block to the so called path of spirituality, as goes the saying. Forcing
oneself into being something, to gain recognition is the worst blunder one
can commit !

2. Being deceptive : well, if this doesn't work out, he tries being
deceptive, arousing a curiosity in persons to explore him. He just hints
'well, pal, just started a business ...' and pauses. The other person is
tempted to ask, 'what business, ma'an?'.

3. Negative traits : Well, even this becomes a failure attempt ? He uses
tantrums, gibberish, bragging, self goals (This practice is like spitting in
the air, lying on the ground) & finally, ends up a sadist wreck. Sadism is
rakshasism, taking pleasure in the sufferings /sorrow of others - We
normally call a sadist a rakshas, who thinks, like a blind cat, that he has
tremendous managing / controlling ability on other people, but actually
doesn't ! Managing matters is different from suppressing people, ain't it?

Most Indian guys look for a recognition from their better half - this is
statistically and absolutely right. The wives play a major part in moulding
the sort of persons they are, insofar as the Indian men are concerned. It
is what the ladies perceive as heroism that the husband also craves to
pursue. If the winner is going to be a good business man, the guy launches
a business and strives to make it a success and if it is spirituality, the
guy turns to the same. If the lady says that a good politician is who is a
winner, the guy looks at entering politics, however dirty, it may be. This
continues for generations - the guy spots his mom saying 'well, my husband
is a drunkard'. The guy swings to the other extreme of not even looking @ a
wine shop & does not bother to take care of his other weaknesses, may be
money / girls ... The mothers also play a good role, in shaping the boys, in
India !

Do all this mean that there is nothing called self esteem? Well, can I be
self depreciating ? Well, no self goals, buddy. It doesn't mean that u got
to curse yourself, to show that u don't have ego - again, u r showing that u
don't have ego - that again, is ego ! Understand, buddy, that grudge / ego
will affect your focus / performance in all spheres - and a success is like
a multifaceted gem - It has many faces, family, career, health & this
require a set of traits - not just one or two & the primary thing is not
being self possesive / egotistic ! Today, in the name of prestige / esteem,
people only look for pseudo prestige / false esteem - determined by money /
muscle power (Business men / politicians ) - not a real good esteem. Well,
this self goals / self depreciation will exhibit itself in the way u r -
the symptoms are a hunched back, projecting head forward / hung head
(humility ! ), an unassertive and a low tone (politeness)... Even, aged
people, demand that the youth be like this, in India, because, keeping your
esteem (normal) is again a sort of disrespect to them - they are like
bureaucrats, keeping the youth down in spirits ! Pray, tell me, can age be a
factor that determines respect / esteem ? Well, even animals become aged, as
time passes by, whether or not u do something worthwhile , ain't it ??

Most relationship management today is all about the ego management of fellow
pal, by and large ! Just fill up the ego, the guy falls for it and u get
things done ! This was a principle, taught by Dale Carnegie, in his very
first chapter on 'How to win friends and influence people' - Be lavish in
praise ! Why ? Just to satisfy the ego of the other guy !

Any comments ?

Raghu



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