Theos-Talk Archives (March 2003 Message tt00446)

'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
Wednesday March 19, 2003
By CHAD KULTGEN 

NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall 
Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to 
be a time-traveler from the year 2256! 

Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-
old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny 
success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on 
January 28. 

"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a 
pathological liar," says an SEC insider. 

"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two 
weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every 
trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which 
simply can't be pure luck. 

"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside 
information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until 
he agrees to give up his sources." 

The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors 
crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk 
trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of 
Wall Street watchdogs. 

"If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological 
breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow 
knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-
hush, ongoing investigation. 

When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more 
than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession. 

Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 
years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era 
experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone 
armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through 
the roof could make a fortune. 

"It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his 
videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you 
know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. 
But I just got caught in the moment." 

In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to 
divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden 
and a cure for AIDS. 

All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time 
craft." 

However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss 
how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into 
the wrong hands." 

Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. 
Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew 
Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002." 

Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. 
Keep watching for further developments.