Theos-Talk Archives (September 2002 Message tt00178)

Sept 27 2002 A Q

Dear Friends:

I thought this might interest you -- as it has Val and
myself. Gave us something to think about.

Do let me know what you think of it.

Is it all wishful thinking or a figment of imagination?

Dal

-------------------------------

THROUGH THE LIGHT
====================

Mellen-Thomas Benedict is an artist who survived a
near-death experience in 1982. He was dead for over an hour
and a half and during that time, he rose up out of his body
and went into the Light. Curious about the universe, he was
taken far into the remote depths of existence, and even
beyond, into the energetic Void of Nothingness behind the
Big Bang. Concerning his near-death experience, Dr.
Kenneth Ring has said, "His story is one of the most
remarkable I have encountered in my extensive research on
near-death experiences."

THE ROAD TO DEATH

In 1982 I died from terminal cancer. The condition I had
was inoperable, and any kind of chemotherapy they could give
me would just have made me more of a vegetable. I was given
six to eight months to live. I had been an information
freak in the 1970's, and I had become increasingly
despondent over the nuclear crisis, the ecology crisis, and
so forth.
So, since I did not have a spiritual basis, I began to
believe that nature had made a mistake, and that we were
probably a cancerous organism on the planet. I saw no way
that we could get out from all the problems we had created
for ourselves and the planet. I perceived all humans as
cancer, and that is what I got. That is what killed me. Be
careful what your world view is. It can feed back on you,
especially if it is a negative world view. I had a
seriously negative one.

That is what led me into my death. I tried all sorts of
alternative healing methods, but nothing helped.
So I determined that this was really just between me and
God. I had never really faced God before, or even dealt
with God. I was not into any kind of spirituality at the
time, but I began a journey into learning about spirituality
and alternative healing. I set out to do all the reading I
could and bone up on the subject, because I did not want to
be surprised on the other side. So I started reading on
various religions and philosophies. They were all very
interesting, and gave hope that there was something on the
other side.

On the other hand, as a self-employed stained-glass artist
at the time, I had no medical insurance whatsoever. So my
life savings went overnight in testing. Then I was facing
the medical profession without any kind of insurance. I did
not want to have my family dragged down financially, so I
determined to handle this myself. There was not constant
pain, but there were black-outs. I got so that I would not
dare to drive, and eventually I ended up in hospice care.

I had my own personal hospice caretaker. I was very blessed
by this angel who went through the last part of this with
me. I lasted about eighteen months. I did not want to take
a lot of drugs, since I wanted to be as conscious as
possible. Then I experienced such pain that I had nothing
but pain in my consciousness, luckily only for a few days at
a time.


THE LIGHT OF GOD


I remember waking up one morning at home about 4:30 am, and
I just knew that this was it. This was the day I was going
to die. So I called a few friends and said goodbye. I woke
up my hospice caretaker and told her. I had a private
agreement with her that she would leave my dead body alone
for six hours, since I had read that all kinds of
interesting things happen when you die. I went back to
sleep.
The next thing I remember is the beginning of a typical
near-death experience. Suddenly I was fully aware and I was
standing up, but my body was in the bed. There was this
darkness around me. Being out of my body was even more
vivid than ordinary experience. It was so vivid that I
could see every room in the house, I could see the top of
the house, I could see around the house, I could see under
the house.
There was this Light shining. I turned toward the Light.

The Light was very similar to what many other people have
described in their near-death experiences. It was so
magnificent. It is tangible; you can feel it. It is
alluring; you want to go to it like you would want to go to
your ideal mother's or father's arms. As I began to move
toward the Light, I knew intuitively that if I went to the
Light, I would be dead. So as I was moving toward the Light
I said, "Please wait a minute, just hold on a second here.
I want to think about this; I would like to talk to you
before I go."
To my surprise, the entire experience halted at that point.

You are indeed in control of your near-death experience.
You are not on a roller coaster ride. So my request was
honored and I had some conversations with the Light. The
Light kept changing into different figures, like Jesus,
Buddha, Krishna, mandalas, archetypal images and signs. I
asked the Light, "What is going on here? Please, Light,
clarify yourself for me. I really want to know the reality
of the situation." I cannot really say the exact words,
because it was sort of telepathy.

The Light responded. The information transferred to me was
that your beliefs shape the kind of feedback you are getting
before the Light. If you were a Buddhist or Catholic or
Fundamentalist, you get a feedback loop of your own stuff.

You have a chance to look at it and examine it, but most
people do not. As the Light revealed itself to me, I became
aware that what I was really seeing was our Higher Self
matrix.

The only thing I can tell you is that it turned into a
matrix, a mandala of human souls, and what I saw was that
what we call our Higher Self in each of us is a matrix.
It's also a conduit to the Source; each one of us comes
directly, as a direct experience from the Source. We all
have a Higher Self, or an oversoul part of our being. It
revealed itself to me in its truest energy form. The only
way I can really describe it is that the being of the Higher
Self is more like a conduit. It did not look like that, but
it is a direct connection to the Source that each and every
one of us has. We are directly connected to the Source.
So the Light was showing me the Higher Self matrix. And it
became very clear to me that all the Higher Selves are
connected as one being, all humans are connected as one
being, we are actually the same being, different aspects of
the same being. It was not committed to one particular
religion.

So that is what was being fed back to me. And I saw this
mandala of human souls. It was the most beautiful thing I
have ever seen. I just went into it and, it was just
over-whelming. It was like all the love you've every
wanted, and it was the kind of love that cures, heals,
regenerates.

As I asked the Light to keep explaining, I understood what
the Higher Self matrix is. We have a grid around the planet
where all the Higher Selves are connected. This is like a
great company, a next subtle level of energy around us, the
spirit level, you might say. Then, after a couple of
minutes, I asked for more clarification. I really wanted to
know what the universe is about, and I was ready to go at
that time. I said "I am ready, take me." Then the Light
turned into the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen:
a mandala of human souls on this planet.

Now I came to this with my negative view of what has
happened on the planet. So as I asked the light to keep
clarifying for me, I saw in this magnificent mandala how
beautiful we all are in our essence, our core. We are the
most beautiful creations. The human soul, the human matrix
that we all make together is absolutely fantastic, elegant,
exotic, every-thing. I just cannot say enough about how it
changed my opinion of human beings in that instant.

I said, "Oh, God, I did not know how beautiful we are." At
any level, high or low, in whatever shape you are in, you
are the most beautiful creation, you are. I was astonished
to find that there was no evil in any soul. I said "How can
this be?" The answer was that no soul was inherently evil.
The terrible things that happened to people might make them
do evil things, but their souls were not evil. What all
people seek, what sustains them, is love, the Light told me.
What distorts people is a lack of love.

The revelations coming from the Light seemed to go on
and on, then I asked the Light, "Does this mean that
humankind will be saved?" Then, like a trumpet blast with a
shower of spiraling lights, the Great Light spoke, saying,
"Remember this and never forget; you save, redeem and heal
yourself. You always have. You always will. You were
created with the power to do so from before the beginning of
the world."

In that instant I realized even more. I realized that WE
HAVE ALREADY BEEN SAVED, and we saved ourselves because we
were designed to self-correct like the rest of God's
universe. This is what the second coming is about. I
thanked the Light of God with all my heart. The best thing
I could come up with was these simple words of total
appreciation: "Oh dear God, dear Universe, dear Great Self,
I love my Life."

The Light seemed to breathe me in even more deeply. It was
as if the Light was completely absorbing me. The Love Light
is, to this day, indescribable. I entered into another
realm, more profound than the last, and became aware of
something more, much more. It was an enormous stream of
Light, vast and full, deep in the Heart of Life. I asked
what this was.

The Light responded, "This is the RIVER OF LIFE. Drink of
this manna water to your heart's content." So I did. I
took one big drink and then another. To drink of Life
Itself! I was in ecstasy.
Then the Light said, "You have a desire." The Light knew
all about me, everything past, present and future.

"Yes!" I whispered.

I asked to see the rest of the Universe; beyond our solar
system, beyond all human illusion. The Light then told me
that I could go with the Stream. I did, and was carried
through the Light at the end of the tunnel. I felt and
heard a series of very soft sonic booms. What a rush!


THE VOID OF NOTHINGNESS


Suddenly I seemed to be rocketing away from the planet on
this stream of Life. I saw the earth fly away. The solar
system, in all its splendor, whizzed by and disappeared. At
faster than light speed, I flew through the center of the
galaxy, absorbing more knowledge as I went. I learned that
this galaxy, and all of the Universe, is bursting with many
different varieties of LIFE. I saw many worlds. The good
news is that we are not alone in this Universe!

As I rode this stream of consciousness through the center of
the galaxy, the stream was expanding in awesome fractal
waves of energy. The super clusters of galaxies with all
their ancient wisdom flew by.

At first I thought I was going somewhere; actually
traveling. But then I realized that, as the stream was
expanding, my own consciousness was also expanding to take
in everything in the Universe! All creation passed by me.
It was an unimaginable wonder! I truly was a Wonder Child;
a babe in Wonderland!
It seemed as if all the creations in the Universe soared by
me and vanished in a speck of Light. Almost immediately, a
second Light appeared. It came from all sides, and was so
different; a Light made up of more than every frequency in
the Universe. I felt and heard several velvety sonic booms
again. My consciousness, or being, was expanding to
interface with the entire Holographic Universe and more.
As I passed into the second Light, the awareness came to me
that I had just transcended the Truth. Those are the best
words I have for it, but I will try to explain. As I passed
into the second Light, I expanded beyond the First Light. I
found myself in a profound stillness, beyond all silence. I
could see or perceive FOREVER, beyond Infinity.

I was in the Void.

I was in pre-creation, before the Big Bang. I had crossed
over the beginning of time - the First Word - the First
vibration.

I was in the Eye of Creation. I felt as if I was touching
the Face of God. It was not a religious feeling. Simply I
was at one with Absolute Life and Consciousness.

When I say that I could see or perceive forever, I mean that
I could experience all of creation generating itself. It
was without beginning and without end. That's a
mind-expanding thought, isn't it? Scientists perceive the
Big Bang as a single event which created the Universe. I
saw that the Big Bang is only one of an infinite number of
Big Bangs creating Universes endlessly and simultaneously.
The only images that even come close in human terms would be
those created by supercomputers using fractal geometry
equations.

The ancients knew of this. They said Godhead periodically
created new Universes by breathing out, and de-creating
other Universes by breathing in. These epochs were called
Yugas.

Modern science called this the Big Bang. I was in absolute,
pure consciousness. I could see or perceive all the Big
Bangs or Yugas creating and de-creating themselves.
Instantly I entered into them all simultaneously. I saw
that each and every little piece of creation has the power
to create. It is very difficult to try to explain this. I
am still speechless about this.

It took me years after I returned to assimilate any words at
all for the Void experience. I can tell you this now; the
Void is less than nothing, yet more than everything that is!
The Void is absolute zero; chaos forming all possibilities.
It is Absolute Consciousness; much more than even Universal
Intelligence.
Where is the Void? I know. The Void is inside and outside
everything. You, right now even while you live, are always
inside and outside the Void simultaneously. You don't have
to go anywhere or die to get there. The Void is the vacuum
or nothingness between all physical manifestations. The
SPACE between atoms and their components.

Modern science has begun to study this space between
everything. They call it Zero-point. Whenever they try to
measure it, their instruments go off the scale, or to
infinity, so to speak. They have no way, as of yet, to
measure infinity accurately. There is more of the zero
space in your own body and the Universe than anything else!

What mystics call the Void is not a void. It is so full of
energy, a different kind of energy that has created
everything that we are. Everything since the Big Bang is
vibration, from the first Word, which is the first
vibration. The biblical "I am" really has a question mark
after it. "I am - What am I?"
So creation is God exploring God's Self through every way
imaginable, in an ongoing, infinite exploration through
every one of us. Through every piece of hair on your head,
through every leaf on every tree, through every atom, God is
exploring God's Self, the great "I am". I began to see that
everything that is, is the Self, literally, your Self, my
Self. Everything is the great Self. That is why God knows
even when a leaf falls. That is possible because wherever
you are is the center of the universe. Wherever any atom
is, that is the center of the universe. There is God in
that, and God in the Void.
As I was exploring the Void and all the Yugas or creations,
I was completely out of time and space as we know it. In
this expanded state, I discovered that creation is about
Absolute Pure Consciousness, or God, coming into the
Experience of Life as we know it. The Void itself is devoid
of experience.
It is pre-life, before the first vibration. Godhead is
about more than Life and Death. Therefore there is even
more than Life and Death to experience in the Universe!

I was in the Void and I was aware of everything that had
ever been created. It was like I was looking out of God's
eyes. I had become God. Suddenly I wasn't me any more.

The only thing I can say, I was looking out of God's eyes.

And suddenly I knew why every atom was, and I could see
everything. The interesting point was that I went into the
Void, I came back with this understanding that God is not
there. God is here. That's what it is all about.

So this constant search of the human race to go out and find
God ... God gave everything to us, everything is here -
this is where it's at. And what we are into now is God's
exploration of God through us. People are so busy trying to
become God that they ought to realize that we are already
God and God is becoming us. That's what it is really about.

When I realized this, I was finished with the Void, and
wanted to return to this creation, or Yuga. It just seemed
like the natural thing to do. Then I suddenly came back
through the second Light, or the Big Bang, hearing several
more velvet booms. I rode the stream of consciousness back
through all of creation, and what a ride it was! The super
clusters of galaxies came through me with even more
insights.

I passed through the center of our galaxy, which is a black
hole. Black holes are the great processors or recyclers of
the Universe. Do you know what is on the other side of a
Black Hole? We are; our galaxy; which has been reprocessed
from another Universe. In its total energy configuration,
the galaxy looked like a fantastic city of lights. All
energy this side of the Big Bang is light. Every sub-atom,
atom, star, planet, even consciousness itself is made of
light and has a frequency and/or particle. Light is living
stuff. Everything is made of light, even stones. So
everything is alive. Everything is made from the Light of
God; everything is very intelligent.


THE LIGHT OF LOVE


As I rode the stream on and on, I could eventually see a
huge Light coming. I knew it was the First Light; the
Higher Self Light Matrix of our solar system. Then the
entire solar system appeared in the Light, accompanied by
one of those velvet booms.

I saw that the solar system we live in is our larger, local
body. This is our local body and we are much bigger than we
imagine. I saw that the solar system is our body. I am a
part of this, and the earth is this great created being that
we are, and we are the part of it that knows that it is.
But we are only that part of it. We are not everything, but
we are that part of it that knows that it is.

I could see all the energy that this solar system generates,
and it is an incredible light show! I could hear the Music
of the Spheres. Our solar system, as do all celestial
bodies, generates a unique matrix of light, sound and
vibratory energies. Advanced civilizations from other star
systems can spot life as we know it in the universe by the
vibratory or energy matrix imprint. It is child's play.
The earth's Wonder Child (human beings) make an abundance of
sound right now, like children playing in the backyard of
the universe.

I rode the stream directly into the center of the Light. I
felt embraced by the Light as it took me in with its breath
again, followed by another soft sonic boom.
I was in this great Light of Love with the stream of life
flowing through me. I have to say again, it is the most
loving, non-judgmental Light. It is the ideal parent for
this Wonder Child.

"What now?" I wondered.

The Light explained to me that there is no death; we are
immortal beings. We have already been alive forever! I
realized that we are part of a natural living system that
recycles itself endlessly. I was never told that I had to
come back. I just knew that I would. It was only natural,
from what I had seen.
I don't know how long I was with the Light, in human time.

But there came a moment when I realized that all my
questions had been answered and my return was near. When I
say that all my questions were answered on the other side, I
mean to say just that. All my questions have been answered.
Every human has a different life and set of questions to
explore.
Some of our questions are Universal, but each of us is
exploring this thing we call Life in our own unique way. So
is every other form of life, from mountains to every leaf on
every tree.
And that is very important to the rest of us in this
Universe.

Because it all contributes to the Big Picture, the fullness
of Life. We are literally God exploring God's Self in an
infinite Dance of Life. Your uniqueness enhances all of
Life.


HIS RETURN TO EARTH


As I began my return to the life cycle, it never crossed my
mind, nor was I told, that I would return to the same body.
It just did not matter. I had complete trust in the Light
and the Life process. As the stream merged with the great
Light, I asked never to forget the revelations and the
feelings of what I had learned on the other side.

There was a "Yes". It felt like a kiss to my soul.

Then I was taken back through the Light into the vibratory
realm again. The whole process reversed, with even more
information being given to me. I came back home, and I was
given lessons on the mechanics of reincarnation. I was
given answers to all those little questions I had: "How does
this work? How does that work?" I knew that I would be
reincarnated. The earth is a great processor of energy, and
individual consciousness evolves out of that into each one
of us.

I thought of myself as a human for the first time, and I was
happy to be that. From what I have seen, I would be happy
to be an atom in this universe. An atom. So to be the
human part of God ... this is the most fantastic blessing.
It is a blessing beyond our wildest estimation of what
blessing can be. For each and every one of us to be the
human part of this experience is awesome, and magnificent.
Each and every one of us, no matter where we are, screwed up
or not, is a blessing to the planet, right where we are.
So I went through the reincarnation process expecting to be
a baby somewhere. But I was given a lesson on how
individual identity and consciousness evolve. So I
reincarnated back into this body. I was so surprised when I
opened my eyes.

I do not know why, because I understood it, but it was still
such a surprise to be back in this body, back in my room
with someone looking over me crying her eyes out. It was my
hospice caretaker. She had given up an hour and a half
after finding me dead. She was sure I was dead; all the
signs of death were there - I was getting stiff.

We do not know how long I was dead, but we do know that it
was an hour and a half since I was found. She honored my
wish to have my newly dead body left alone for a few hours
as much as she could. We had an amplified stethoscope and
many ways of checking out the vital functions of the body to
see what was happening. She can verify that I really was
dead. It was not a near-death experience. I experienced
death itself for at least an hour and a half. She found me
dead and checked the stethoscope, blood pressure and heart
rate monitor for an hour and a half. Then I awakened and
saw the light outside. I tried to get up to go to it, but I
fell out of the bed. She heard a loud "clunk", ran in and
found me on the floor.
When I recovered, I was very surprised and yet very awed
about what had happened to me. At first all the memory of
the trip that I have now was not there. I kept slipping out
of this world and kept asking, "Am I alive?" This world
seemed more like a dream than that one. Within three days,
I was feeling normal again, clearer, yet different than I
had ever felt in my life. My memory of the journey came
back later.
I could see nothing wrong with any human being I had ever
seen. Before that I was really judgmental. I thought a lot
of people were really screwed up, in fact I thought that
everybody was screwed up but me. But I got clear on all
that.

About three months later a friend said I should get tested,
so I went and got the scans and so forth. I really felt
good, so I was afraid of getting bad news. I remember the
doctor at the clinic looking at the before and after scans,
saying, "Well, there is nothing here now." I said, "Really,
it must be a miracle?"
He said "No, these things happen, they are called
spontaneous remission." He acted very unimpressed. But
here was a miracle, and I was impressed, even if no one else
was.


LESSONS HE LEARNED


The mystery of life has very little to do with intelligence.
The universe is not an intellectual process at all. The
intellect is helpful; it is brilliant, but right now that is
all we process with, instead of our hearts and the wiser
part of ourselves.

The center of the earth is this great transmuter of energy,
just as you see in pictures of our earth's magnetic field.
That's our cycle, pulling reincarnated souls back in and
through it again. A sign that you are reaching human level
is that you are beginning to evolve an individual
consciousness.
The animals have a group soul, and they reincarnate in group
souls. A deer is pretty much going to be a deer forever.
But just being born a human, whether deformed or genius,
shows that you are on the path to developing an individual
consciousness. That is in itself part of the group
consciousness called humanity.

I saw that races are personality clusters. Nations like
France, Germany and China each have their own personality.
Cities have personalities, their local group souls that
attract certain people. Families have group souls.
Individual identity is evolving like branches of a fractal;
the group soul explores in our individuality. The different
questions that each of us has are very, very important.
This is how Godhead is exploring God's Self - through you.
So ask your questions, do your searching. You will find
your Self and you will find God in that Self, because it is
only the Self.

More than that, I began to see that each one of us humans
are soul mates. We are part of the same soul fractaling out
in many creative directions, but still the same. Now I look
at every human being that I ever see, and I see a soul mate,
my soul mate, the one I have always been looking for.
Beyond that, the greatest soul mate that you will ever have
is yourself.

We are each both male and female. We experience this in the
womb and we experience this in reincarnation states. If you
are looking for that ultimate soul mate outside of yourself,
you may never find it; it is not there. Just as God is not
"there".

God is here. Don't look "out there" for God. Look here for
God. Look through your Self. Start having the greatest
love affair you ever had ... with your Self. You will love
everything out of that.
I had a descent into what you might call Hell, and it was
very surprising. I did not see Satan or evil. My descent
into Hell was a descent into each person's customized human
misery, ignorance, and darkness of not-knowing. It seemed
like a miserable eternity. But each of the millions of
souls around me had a little star of light always available.
But no one seemed to pay attention to it. They were so
consumed with their own grief, trauma and misery. But,
after what seemed an eternity, I started calling out to that
Light, like a child calling to a parent for help.

Then the Light opened up and formed a tunnel that came right
to me and insulated me from all that fear and pain. That is
what Hell really is. So what we are doing is learning to
hold hands, to come together. The doors of Hell are open
now. We are going to link up, hold hands, and walk out of
Hell together.
The Light came to me and turned into a huge golden angel. I
said, "Are you the angel of death?" It expressed to me that
it was my oversoul, my Higher Self matrix, a super-ancient
part of ourselves. Then I was taken to the Light.

Soon our science will quantify spirit. Isn't that going to
be wonderful? We are coming up with devices now that are
sensitive to subtle energy or spirit energy. Physicists use
these atomic colliders to smash atoms to see what they are
made of. They have got it down to quarks and charm, and all
that. Well, one day they are going to come down to the
little thing that holds it all together, and they are going
to have to call that ... God.

With atomic colliders they are not only seeing what is in
here, but they are creating particles. Thank God most of
them are short-lived milliseconds and nanoseconds. We are
just beginning to understand that we are creating too, as we
go along. As I saw forever, I came to a realm in which
there is a point where we pass all knowledge and begin
creating the next fractal, the next level. We have that
power to create as we explore. And that is God expanding
itself through us.

Since my return I have experienced the Light spontaneously,
and I have learned how to get to that space almost any time
in my meditation. Each one of you can do this. You do not
have to die to do this. It is within your equipment; you
are wired for it already. The body is the most magnificent
Light being there is. The body is a universe of incredible
Light.

Spirit is not pushing us to dissolve this body. That is not
what is happening. Stop trying to become God; God is
becoming you. Here.

The mind is like a child running around the universe,
demanding this and thinking it created the world. But I ask
the mind: "What did your mother have to do with this?"

That is the next level of spiritual awareness. Oh! my
mother!

================================

>From D T B
A Q Oct 2002