Theos-Talk Archives (April 2002 Message tt00055)

Hello to all of you. My name is Nina and I am new to the Theos-talk group. I recently asked my Theosophy teacher the questions I have posted below. I will be posting it here exactly as I have sent it to her. I would like to know what some of you might have to say about my questions. I have yet to receive her answer... maybe I will be posting that too.

Oh yea... and please, excuse any gramatical errors.
Kindly, Nina.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

(The pages here refered to are of Mr. Purucker's book titled: "Studies in Occult Philosophy")

On pg. 481 on the section titled Prayer & Petition Mr. Purucker's says that both prayer and petition are "wholly selfish" acts and that because of this it is not only wrong it "is a spiritual impertinence", being that they represent a sort of confession "...that we are seeking to get something for ourselves...". He also says that even asking through prayer implies that we know what is best for us (or the world) and the Divine does NOT. He also goes on to explain that God is within ourselves and the best communion with God is within ourselves and that the way to reach this sourse is with Love. He says that "genuine prayer is loving", to have kindness and compassion. Then he continues to say "They key is self-forgetfulness!" which I personally find amusing and TRUE when one day some time ago I came up with the phrase "forget yourself, don't forget yourself" one day while walking the streets towards work. I got tired of paying so much attention to people and very little to myself, then I realized that I was paying so much attention to how I was percieved that I completely missed who I really was. So now I forget myself but never so much that I don't know who I am. 

Now, I totally belive in what MR. Purucker is saying. But, I feel confused and in conflict with my own inner thoughts and feelings. You see, I began to wonder then... what is HOPE? Is hope some form of prayer or petition? In the past few months I have realized that when one tries to chance ones own course (or certainly anyone elses) through magic or sorcery it is utterly wrong and certainly useless for in the end Nature will do as it pleases, and I have certainly come to this conclusion through my own experience. I have learned through the years that I am the happiest when I just "go with the flow" as my best friend used to say when he introduced Tao into my life more than seven years ago. I wouldn't call what I do praying or petition because I do not ask for specific things. Most of the time I simply try to be gratefull for what I have been given and for what I have learned. But in my heart I have never been able to get rid of HOPE. It's strange you know, if I think about it I beguin to feel a heavy preasure inside my chest that at times clumps up in my throat. It isn't painfull (although some might confuse it with pain), it isn't bad because I have honest intentions of becoming a better person and achieving growth in the best way I have leard possible, so I at least HOPE it isn't bad and if it is I certainly HOPE to understand why. I don't care for material things, what I have I appreciate but what I don't I don't think of. I don't care for power. Nor do I care for any sort of certification or recognition for my achievements. I don't care because what I do I only do for my own personal growth. That is it. But even than I have not lost interest in life nor have I lost interest in achieving my goals. Nor have I lost the least bit of HOPE in finding LOVE. I have found that every little thing that I do is because I HOPE. ...But then, am I selfish for hopeing? am I selfish for desireing to achieve betterness? am I selfish for wanting to feel the same amount of love as I am capable of giving? Don't get me wrong, I don't loose any sleep over it nor am I obsessed with it nor do I take from anyone else to achieve my dreams and hopes. 

So then what is it if when I pray I think of what I hope? 

I know that only by giving to others will I ever reach my hopes and dreams and goals. I know this. I don't have much to give, I don't even know if I'll have a home by next week, but to be honest I don't really care. I am at peace with what life brings on me. I try to give of what and how I can. Sometimes it is thought the most diminute of things... and even here I HOPE that it is not an illusion and I HOPE that I am trully doing someone or something some good. Mostly I try to bring hope to those who don't have much and thought of truth to those who seemed confused or in desire of food for thought. I don't push... I just go with the flow and let them ask.

So then, what is it? Have I got it all wrong? Should I let go of hope? IS HOPE SELFISH?

But somehow that doesn't seem right. My HOPEs propell me forward towards this... all this I have come to learn and achieve which to most seemes like nothing but to me it is sooo much. So then doesn't hope work like some sort of radar? I mean, does anyone ever really hope for pain? Does anyone really ever hope, not think of but hope of hatred and negligence? I guess I don't have the facts on that but something tells me that even though the human brain is capable of thinking of sad and ungodly thoughts it never hopes for such horrid things. In the end, even Hitler wanted to be loved.

What is then the difference between hope and prayer or petition? ...am I making any sense?