Theos-Talk Archives (June 1998 Message tt00659)

> Brenda wrote:
>
> >Since my own son is shy, I'm
> >fishing for data on the subject and he is so LOUD.  His voice is big and
> >booming.  I'm very glad to see a reserve that might help him to control
his
> >nature. Since I'm his mother, I feel a responsibility for steering him
in
> >the right direction.  What do I do when he starts screaming in public?
But
> >won't answer a question or ask a question when I prompt him?
>

How old is your son again?

This type of behavior is natural and common for children 3-5.  Children are
not born with the social skills to know what is appropriate or acceptable
behavior and what is not.  It is one of our jobs as parents to teach this.
Young children also do not have the verbal skills to explain or analyze
their feelings.  Little girls develop this earlier than little boys.

Screaming and crying in public is a difficult situation to deal with.  At
home it's easier --I always found a "time out" worked well ---and if the
same standards of conduct are applied at home and away from home, it's
easier for the child to learn.  The important thing to remember is that
"giving in" to the reason for the screaming and crying or shouting only
teaches that screaming, shouting, and crying are the way to get what you
want.  When my daughter did this when she was young, she was told to stop
and if possible removed from the scene.  When she did it at home, she got a
time out.  She'd also do the "running away from mommy in the store"
routine.  When I'd catch up with her, she was scolded and I'd keep a stern
look to let her know this was wrong.  Children respond more to emotions
than words, so it's as important to be emotionally consistent and that your
words, emotions, and actions don't send "cross messages".

Of course, the above is only true for young children who grow out of this
phase by the time they're in school fulltime and start developing a sense
of friends/society and if the parents haven't instilled self-discipline and
action, teachers and social pressures will do it --in a much more painful
fashion.  I've seen little boys who were allowed to "run wild"/"be their
natural selves" hit the hard reality that if they didn't control themselves
enough to "play well" with other boys, the other boys wouldn't play with
them.

The word "discipline" has been an unpopular word but it's self-discipline
that have gotten us here where we are now. Doesn't it take discipline to
meditate?  Discipline to read and study?  The self-discipline we learn as
children becomes the structure that we can build on the rest of our lives.

As I said before, the above goes for young children.  If he's over 9 and
exhibiting this behavior, it would be time for some psychological help.


Pam
pgiese@snd.softfarm.com

"Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light..."