Theos-Talk Archives (October 2008 Message tt00414)

Dear friends,

We often hear that we, members of the Theosophical Society, are a 
family, that we should solve our problems within our family. So, I 
tried to explore a little some internet sources on what constitutes a 
healthy family. I am sure you will find these extracts interesting.

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The word "family" can mean different things to different people. But 
no matter how our families are made up, most share some common 
values. 

It's important to talk about what binds us together ?

? learn how to communicate so that our messages and feelings are 
understood and we understand how other people are feeling and what 
they are trying to tell us.

? learn how to resolve conflict in safe ways that strengthen our 
relationships and reinforce our values. Conflict is an inevitable, 
natural and healthy part of family life. No matter how close we are 
to someone we will find differences, and some of these will be 
irritating to us. But once we understand the other person's point of 
view our relationship with them will improve.

? learn how to make decisions and plan ahead as a family. Regardless 
of our own background, it is possible for us to decide what we want 
as a family and take steps towards making it happen.

by Hilary Smith
8 December 2002
http://www.relate.org.nz/article_000028.asp

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What exactly makes up a strong family that possesses good family 
values? A family that sustains its members - that supports and 
nourishes the members throughout the span of that family. A strong 
family unit creates a safe, positive and supportive place for all 
members to thrive. They are able to utilize resources and to live 
together in a fairly healthy manner. 

The adults in a strong family set the tone. They are good role models 
that lead by example. They reach out to friends and community and 
teach their children the importance of doing the same - and that 
becomes part of who the children are. They work together to solve 
problems, and they pass their skills on to the next generation. Some 
important elements of a strong family system are family cohesion, 
family flexibility and family communication. 

Cohesion - In families cohesion would be defined as the feeling of 
being loved, of belonging to the group and being nurtured by it. 
Although closeness is good in a family unit, there must be a balance 
between being together and being separate. A person must be able to 
develop their individuality, while being supported and confident 
within the family. A few things that bring a family together are the 
commitment of other family members, and the spending of time 
together. 

Flexibility - There must be a structure in a family or it will become 
chaotic and will not be a peaceful setting for a family. Conversely, 
there must be flexibility or the family becomes rigid and the 
authority figures become resented. We could compare a successful 
family to a democracy. There are leaders, but the whole group is 
involved in the decision making process. Although the leaders are in 
charge all members develop the ability to cope with stress, and at 
times lead. While the family works to avoid stressful situations they 
work together to solve problems, without blaming, criticizing and 
finding fault with each other. Families that tend to have a strong 
spiritual base seem to have a sense of well-being that facilitates 
this working together in times of stress. 

Communication - Ever hear the saying, "What we have here is a failure 
to communicate?" A lack of communication can rip a family apart and 
destroy them. Things that facilitate communication are the things 
mentioned so far - family closeness, flexibility, time spent 
together, spirituality. All members must feel a freedom within the 
group to express themselves freely. 

Written by Mim Ford - © 2002 Pagewise
http://www.essortment.com/all/wahtarefamily_ralm.htm

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The seven Learning Family Values are universal, built upon common 
principles found in nearly every culture in the world. Identifying 
our values clearly can help guide us to becoming the people we want 
to be. Our values tell others what kind of people we are, and can 
help them understand our behavior. 

Each value provides specific encouragement and direction. Together, 
they help us realize individual happiness and collective peace. 

Individuality
We're happy with who we are. We honor those who work to secure 
freedom to express our individuality. We respect others by accepting 
their race, religion, culture, opinions, hobbies or other interests 
as valuable to them. As we develop and express our various talents we 
enrich each other's lives as well as our own. Wouldn't life be boring 
if we were all the same? 

Integrity
Integrity means being the same person inside and out, all the time. 
Whether in public or in private, we keep our commitments, accept 
responsibility for our own actions, and are honest and fair with 
everyone. And yes, it means always telling the truth and being good, 
just because it is the right thing to do. We know that personal 
integrity is required to earn another's trust, and is therefore the 
basis of all human relationships. 

Industry
Only through hard work and dedication can we realize our goals and 
dreams. We are diligent in our work, using all our talents and always 
doing our best, no matter what the task. We expect fair compensation 
for our labors but avoid excess. We strive to be self-sufficient, 
never expecting others to do for us what we can do for ourselves. 

Knowledge
The joy of learning can last a lifetime. Seeking knowledge begins 
with asking questions, then pursuing the answers with energy and 
creativity. We learn when we can accept the answers, even if they are 
not what we expect. The freedom and understanding gained by knowing 
the truth are our rewards for the pursuit of knowledge. 

Compassion
All of us have needed help at some time in our lives. As well, our 
success always comes with the help of others. So we freely give our 
time, talents and resources to those who are in need without 
reservation or expectation. We patiently seek to understand the needs 
of others, and offer our assistance whenever we can without waiting 
for someone else to help. 

Family
We all belong to a family. Our family bonds gives us identity; a way 
to recognize ourselves with a culture and heritage all our own. We 
support each other, depend on each other, respect each other and 
comfort each other. We are also members of larger families; our 
community, the human family, and the family of life on Earth. We 
accept the responsibilities of being a part of these families, only 
receiving what we need so that others may have their share, and 
helping to strengthen the family through our service. 

Optimism
Life is full of promise. We have goals that motivate us, and look to 
the future with a sense of purpose, knowing that we can make a 
difference. Though our individual influence may be small, it will 
spread from our family to others, and to future generations. Our 
purpose is to work together to bring about personal fulfillment in 
our lives and peace in the world. 

Copyright © 1998-1999, Learning Family LLC.
http://www.learningfamily.net/about/values.htm

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Best regards,
Anton