Theos-Talk Archives (December 2004 Message tt00412)

I found these in my mailbox today. They are tooooo good not to pass on and 
enlighten us up a bit. :-) Leonardo. 


10. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess 
looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per 
passenger."


9. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, 
"Dam!"


8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in their 
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak 
and heat it too.


7. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says 
"Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."


6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? 
His goal: transcend dental medication.


5. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the 
lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the 
manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they 
asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting 
in an open foyer."


4. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a 
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they 
name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth 
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she 
also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen 
Juan, you've seen Ahmal."


3. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a 
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers fromthe 
men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.He 
asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and 
begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the

rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in 
town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their 
store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, 
thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.


2. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which 
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which 
made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This 
made him … A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


1. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his 
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun 
in ten did.