Theos-Talk Archives (December 2002 Message tt00220)

>Swami Launches Blisskrieg, Declares "All Out Peace!"

Swami Beyondananda, spiritual leader to millions of FUNdamentalists (accent
on "fun") has launched a worldwide "blisskrieg" in a declaration of "all
out peace!"

Speaking from a platform at his new virtual address at
"http://www.wakeuplaughing.com"; theSwami said, "We've been holding our
peace for far too long. It's time to let it out! Why should peacekeepers
keep the peace for themselves when the world needs it so badly nowadays?"

The Swami was interrupted numerous times by gleeful supporters shouting the
peace mantra, "Ah .. peace on it!" and waving banners reading "Our World:
Love It Or Leave It!" "Play For Nonjudgment Day" and "Disarmaggedon Is Near!"

"It's a fight to the life!" Swami told his minions, vowing to open the
floodgates of love, light and laughter to cleanse the body politic of
cultural, economic and political toxins that have caused folks to
"takethings poisonally" -- and perpetuate war. "These are challenging
times," said the Swami, "which call for Emerge-n-See measures. It is time
for us to emerge from our fearful and powerless hiding places and see the
big picture. We have met the Savior and He is Us.

I see all these Children of God praying for Jesus to intervene, but we
cannot expect to be fed intervenously forever. Time for Children of God to
grow up, for Christ's sake, and become Adults of God for a change. Playful
adults, that is."

"Because the key to lasting peace is laughter," he told the crowd. "Do you
know what the leading cause of war and terrorism is? I will tell you. It is
seriousness. Seriousness is the most serious problem we face on the planet
today. I'm serious. Think about it. Every terrorist act -- not to mention
terror itself -- begins with seriousness. Everywhere we look, we are faced
with laugh-threatening seriousness."

The Swami called on his supporters to "report any serious behavior to the
Department of Omland Security."

"Levity, on the other hand, helps us rise above whatever's been bringing us
down," the Swami continued. "Did you know that one Youngman of laughter
--(approximately the mirth contained in the average one-liner )-- can
release up to a megahurt of emotional pain?"

Finally, the Swami outlined his plan for conducting the Blisskrieg and
waging all out peace. "It is very simple indeed. While it makes no sense to
take up arms against warfare, it makes all the sense in the world to lift
up arms and embrace anything that nourishes peace."

Whereupon Swami offered the following 5-point plan to spark outbreaks of
peace all across the planet:

1. Create A Department of Emerge-n-See Planning Now. If war is a necessary
evil, why not seek peace as a necessary good? We should be putting at least
as much energy and money into secretly plotting peace -- sneaking food and
clothing into war-torn nations under the cover of darkness, sending tanks
to drought-stricken areas so that they can capture rainwater; and sending
in comedy troops in an all-out amfunniest assault.

2. Enlist the World Religions to Do Something Useful. Prayer works.
According to Dr. Larry Dossey and others who have studied the healing power
of prayer, surgery patients who were prayed for tended to heal more
quickly. Not only that, but if the people who were doing the praying were
also prayed for, results were even better! And it worked regardless of the
language or religion they were praying in. Instead of engaging in that
childish and destructive game, "My dogma's better than your dogma," the
major religions would do better to organize a worldwide prayer
calm-petition -it could be called the God Will Games -- and donate the
proceeds to ending spiritual hunger on the planet. Regardless of who wins
the pray-offs, everyone will benefit.

3. Support the Alter Native Economy. If we're going to aggressively wage
peace, we want to spend more of our wages peacefully. So support the alter
native economy -- whatever alters the natives for the better. Our lives are
byproducts of what we buy. So if you want to counteract the profits of
doom, only buy products with healthful and helpful byproducts. And consider
trading in your old Dodge for an Evolvo and running your karma on esteem.
Rising esteem can actually improve the overall atmosphere by causing the
heart to warm, and the head to cool. This may be the answer to global warming!

4. Support the Peace Effort on the Om Front. We've heard the experts say
nothing will bring peace, so I say let's prove 'em right. Our lives are so
filled up with somethings that we have no room for nothing anymore! That's
why my ultimate meditation tape, Sounds of Silence, is completely blank.
Think about it. Our minds are filled up with information everywhere we go.
After a busy day thinking of everything, what a welcome relief it is to
think of nothing. So as part of my work on behalf of inner peace, you can
now come to my Om Page and download as much healing silence as you need
absolutely free! And you can do your part for world inner peace by sending
some peaceful silence to a friend. Sure this is a peacemeal approach, but
it works. A little peace here, a little peace there, and pretty soon you
have one big peaceful meal everywhere.

5. Spread Contagious Laughter Wherever You Go. If we truly want to bring
about Nonjudgment Day, we need to do whatever we can to increase the laugh
force on the planet. Take the funniest jokes from the internet, and share
them on the outernet. Commit random acts of harmless comedy. Practice
Fun-Shui by creating playful beauty everywhere. Make sure you spend some
time each week laughing with friends and loved ones. Remember that when it
comes to laughter, the more the merrier. And remember too, what goes around
comes around. In other words, the laugh you save may be your own.

How to Turn Inner Peace Inside Out! My friend Dean Sluyter, whose new book
is called The Zen Commandments: Ten Suggestions for a Life of Inner
Freedom, (J.P. Tarcher, 2001) says: "You know those spiritual practices
we've been doing for all these years? This is what we've been practicing
for." For while we can only exert a very limited levitational pull on the
gravity of worldwide events, we can still choose to be peaceful, loving and
yes -- even joyful -- within the scope of our own lives.<


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