Theos-Talk Archives (July 2002 Message tt00105)

George W. Bush went to the town which got fraud
legalized and turned it into big business and lectured
Wall Street on the need to stamp out fraud. I was
astonished, so naturally I called my old friend
Phineas Q. Murgatroyd on the telephone.

"Phineas," I said. "You handle Dubya's speech
schedule. What gives with this Wall Street speech?"

"Now that Phyllis Diller is retiring, the President
has decided to step into the breach," he said. 
"Somebody has to keep them laughing."

"But fraud is what Wall Street is all about," I said. 
"How did they react to him giving an anti-fraud
speech?"

"He's hilarious," Phineas replied. "After knocking
them dead on Wall Street with his speech against
fraud, the President went to the NAACP and made a
speech about how he has two token blacks in his
administration. It was Ross Perot's 'You People'
speech all over again. They loved it."

"But Ross Perot wasn't very funny," I said.

"That's why he's not President. George W. Bush is
funny. He's taking his act on the road. Here, let me
tell you."

I heard the sound of papers shuffling.

"Next week he gives a speech to the Cattleman's
Association on how everyone should be a vegetarian. 
We think that one's really going to be a hit. Then he
gives a speech to the Dairy Farmer's Association on
how people should avoid saturated fats."

"I'll bet that really goes over big," I said.

"We think they'll be rolling in the aisles," Phineas
said. "He's going to speak to the Sierra Club on how
strip malls in Tosemite National Park would be a good
thing and follow that with a speech to the Logger's
Association on why we need the Sierra Club. Then it's
back to New York for a speech on the evils of
advertising. He's going to give that speech on a
street corner on Madison Avenue."

"No smoke filled rooms for him," I said.

"No, we believe that comedy clubs and sleazy dives
would be inappropriate for the President of the United
States."

"But a street corner," I mused. "Won't that present a
security problem?"

"Nawww. There's a preacher who uses that corner. The
Secret Service will have to get rid of him for a few
hours. That's all. Then the President goes down to
the Garment District to lecture the Garment Workers
Association on how social nudity is the coming thing. 
That one won't be televised because the President will
only be wearing a bow tie to illustrate his point."

"The bow tie will be sort of a shtick," I said.

"That's right. Every comedy act needs one."

"But a bow tie. Isn't that a garment?" I asked.

"Made in Taiwan," he replied. "By American workers
who lost their jobs."

"I see," I said. "It sounds like Dubya's comedy act
is really going places."

"You haven't heard the half of it," Phineas said. 
"He's running for reelection in 2004."

"That will REALLY be a hoot," I replied.


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