Theos-Talk Archives (July 2002 Message tt00059)

Speaking of Zen stories, I thought the following might offer a lighter note.

<< Your Daily Moment of Zen 
(Modified to reflect contemporary wisdom): 

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not 
walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk 
beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone. 

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken 
fan belt and a leaky tire. 

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going 
to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to 
do it. 

4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't 
getting any. 

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you 
can't be promoted. 

6. No one is listening until you fart. 

7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone 
else. 

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 

9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try 
missing a couple of car payments. 

10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile 
in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, 
you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 

11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for 
you. 

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach 
him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink 
beer all day. 

13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person 
again, it was probably worth it. 

14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember 
anything. 

15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the 
windshield. 

16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time. 

17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot 
of that comes from bad judgment. 

18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it 
in half and put it back in your pocket. 

19. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 

20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and 
a dark side, and it holds the universe together. 

21. There are two theories to arguing with women. 
Neither one works. 

22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when 
your lips are moving. 

23. Experience is something you don't get until just 
after you need it. 

24. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 

25. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped 
on our ass ... then things get worse . >>

In a message dated 07/05/02 10:06:05 PM, bartl@sprynet.com writes:

>Mauri wrote:
>> Ritual
>> 
>> When the spiritual teacher and his disciples began
>> their evening meditation, a cat who lived in the
>> monastery made such noise that it distracted them. One
>> day the teacher ordered that the cat be tied up during
>> the evening practice. Years later, when the teacher
>> died, the cat continued to be tied up during the
>> meditation session. And when the cat eventually died,
>> another cat was brought to the monastery and tied up.
>> Centuries later, learned descendants of the spiritual
>> teacher wrote scholarly treatises about the religious
>> significance of tying up a cat for meditation
>> practice.
>
>Two comments: 
>
>1) In systems analysis, that is called confusing the solution with the
>problem.
>
>2) One day, during a meditation group meeting at the New York
>Theosophical Society, while my wife and I lived in an apartment above
>the center, our cat, Thomas, got loose and decided to visit this
>interesting group of humans. My wife and I were looking for the cat,
>when we were greeted to the sound of, "Om Mani Padme Hum, Om Mani Padme
>Hum, Om Mani Padme Hum.... look! a puddy!"
>
> Bart Lidofsky