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Our New Language

Mar 22, 2002 10:09 PM
by leonmaurer

With reference to the recent posts about the humor of foreigners who write in 
English and their misspellings. I thought we might all get a kick out of this 
recent (pseudo? :-) news report.

" The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English 
will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the 
other possibility. 
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that 
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year 
phase-in plan that would be known as 'EuroEnglish': 
In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c.' Sertainly, this will 
make the sivil servants jump with joy. 
The hard 'c' will be dropped in favor of the 'k.' This should klear up 
konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. 
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the 
troublesome 'ph' will be replased with the 'f.' This will make words like 
'fotograf' 20 persent shorter. 
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to 
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. 
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have 
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible 
mes of the silent 'e' in the language is disgraseful, and it should go away. 
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' 
with 'z' and 'w' with 'v.' 
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaning 
'ou' and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. 
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no 
mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. 
Ze drem vil finali kum tru!!

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