Theos-Talk Archives (December 2001 Message tt00033)

Dear ..., I have been following the correspondence on the relative 
temperatures of Heaven and Hell. The theory propounded is not, in my opinion, 
quite accurate, since it does not take full account of Einstein's general 
theory of relativity and the recently published observations of the rate of 
expansion of the universe.

You will recall that, in propounding his general theory of relativity, 
Einstein had to "invent" the concept of anti-gravity. He was never 
particularly happy with this concept, but without it relativity wouldn't 
work. Recent observations of the rate of expansion of the universe indicate, 
however, that after the "big bang", the universe started to expand at a 
relatively slow rate, but has since speeded up and in fact continues to do 
so. This is attributable to the fact that, whereas the influence of gravity 
on objects is directly proportional to their proximity to one another, the 
opposite is true of anti-gravity. Thus the rate of expansion of the universe 
will increase exponentially as the effect of anti-gravity increases and that 
of gravity decreases due to the increasing distance between objects.

If we posit that the rate of increase in deaths and, therefore, in souls 
going to hell is equal to or less than the rate of expansion of the universe 
and further assume that hell will be expanding at the same rate as the rest 
of the universe, the effect of Boyle's law will not be as described in your 
newsletter.

Having said this, there are two other factors to take into consideration. 
These are:

1. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Thus, it may be assumed that the 
maximum temperature of hell cannot exceed that of a woman scorned. Random 
observation would indicate that this can fluctuate between freezing point 
(273°K) and normal body temperature (305°K). Clearly random observationis 
unscientific. We would need to carry out a properly controlled test of a 
representative sample of women scorned.

2. Graham's Law of Diffusion. The rate of diffusion of a gas is inversely 
proportional to the square route of its relative density. In view of the 
amount of hot air produced outside hell, of which the above is only a small 
sample, we can reasonably hypothesize that the square route of the relative 
density will be low and the rate of diffusion of gas from hell accordingly 
high, thus relieving the pressure which Boyle's law would have predicted had 
it not been for the expansion of the Universe.

As to the temperature of heaven, it clearly cannot exceed the boiling point 
of milk and honey.

Regards