Theos-Talk Archives (July 1998 Message tt00094)

Pam Giese wrote:
> I'm speaking here of women with children.  Long term studies that follow the
> economic status of women with children after divorce (who do not re-marry)
> show that less than 10% improve their income even 5-7 years after the
> divorce.  Not only does income tend to drop, but alcoholism and drug use
> tend to rise, especially in the lower income strata.  Single mothers have
> and continue to be amoung the poorest demographic groups in the US.

Hi Pam:
Just a few comments in response to yours - no argument with you in
general, but ...
1.  Statistics are often skewed by the population tested.
2.  Statistics can be represented in such to a way to support any
theory.
I do not disagree that, in general, single mothers are one of the
poorest groups.  They are also one of the groups receiving much aid.
There is no comparison to the groups who get massive tax breaks via
investment vehicles, illustrating that the rich get richer and the poor
get poorer, in general.  I do not dispute that.
On the other hand I have known personally of single mothers, including
myself, who, after recovering from having the joint bank account cleared
out by the departing male, and after recovering from the shock of
discovering that we don't really exist and have no credit rating as an
individual, decide to fight like hell for an equal place in society and
do what is necessary to acquire it.
Sorry to be so blunt and to appear so crass, but SUFFERING poverty,
alcoholism and drug abuse are symptoms of a dis-ease of lack of self
love and self respect, and a loss of hope.
IMHO, assistance eases the pain and ensures survival, both of the
individual and the race, but the long term cure comes from within each
individual.

You write:
> It sounds like you come from a different social class than I do.  My
> grandmother was illiterate, having been raised in a family that saw no
> benefit to educate girls.  Even when I was growing up in the '60s people
> openly talked about it being "wrong" or "unwise" for girls to excell in
> school or focus on careers.

No, we come from the same class and time span.  My grandparents were not
illiterate, they could read, but they were both taken out of school when
needed at home or on the farm and left school for good at 14 yrs old.
They learned to read by reading what they could and they talked in a
dialect that I had to learn.  They were extremely wise and knowlegable,
because they remembered all the lifeskills and parables taught to them
verbally, passed down by generations.  Their problem solving skills were
superior and their survival skills were to be emulated.
I was "bred" to be a wife and mother.  I went to Grammar school against
family wishes and had to work to earn the money to buy my uniform and
then was thrown out of the home because I went to university against
family wishes.
But I wasn't thinking so much of my experience when I wrote last, rather
of all the women of all races who have desired education, business
opportunity, security and a satisfying life and who went for it and
attained it.

I guess that because I have been a card carrying feminist until
recently, I got to know and read about the sucesses more so than being
dragged down by the publicized negative generalities.

Also because I have always felt that whatever one wants, one can
manifest, sprinkled liberally with a lot of effort and courage.

You write:
> We just disagree here.  I don't believe men have the same rhythms as
> women --as vice versa.  While I seen emotionally uninhibited Cancer men pour
> out themselves in a cathatic release, it is a distinctly different than your
> average woman on a PMS tirade.  Despite the tone of this email, I don't
> believe one is superior to the other, but there are differences.  I
> appreciate the differences.  The soul has no sex, but the body does and that
> shapes the ego and the collection of experiences we gather in this
> incarnation.

I can see what you are saying, but, I also see no basic difference
between a male ego on a tirade of buying a flashy car and stutting
around and a female ego on a tirade upturning mashed potatoes on a
dinner guest who makes a comment about her meal.  One can "blame" male
menopause and PMS (the body), or look beyond the symptoms to the
genderless spirit (soul).  One may take a detour into the illusion
created by gender stereotyping and societal role playing, or stay on the
path of reality of no difference at all.  My humble opinion.
Cheers, Pam
Annette