Theos-Talk Archives (June 1998 Message tt00676)

Thoa Tran wrote:
> It's difficult to post personal details, but I think there are some who
> would nod and sympathize based on their own life.

Dear Thoa and Kym:
Why thank you Thoa for saying you enjoyed our chat.  Just want to let
you and others know that I get no secret self-satisfaction out of
posting personal details, as I peceive neither do others on this list.
In fact, often I wake up next morning and think, "h..s.. what *have* I
done?".  The thing is, when I am wrestling with the philosophy, these
personal things pop into my mind hopefully as examples, and I fight the
censor to go with what comes.  I also find that when others sprinkle the
text with personal experiences I emote and make sense of it.

Nevertheless, hubby is about to subscribe to the lists, and I KNOW he
hates sharing personal stuff, so, because I care for his feelings
too...... (and thank goodness there's no archive!)

I am wrestling with the thought of whether it is necessary to bare all
in order to learn and transform.  (Lord, I hope not!)  My answer so far
is this:  I think I am a very good self-illusionist/liar to myself.  I
know I am not a follower. Somehow baring in public to support/deflower
what I intellectualize, makes it life-serious.  Perhaps a better way is
to find a Master and be transparent?

I too had a momentary flash off balance when I read Kym's account.  I
found it a great lesson in assumption, judgement, and comfort seeking on
my part.

Dear Kym, you're great as you are.  Same goes for you, Kym's husband.
When my husband went through his "testing" on this matter, he too was
taken in by all the same things.  I know this not by intellectualizing
or analyzing, but because I called the other woman and discussed things
with her.  After all, if the path of my husband's development was to be
with another who "gave" him something I could or would not, then I had
no desire to stand in his way.  OTOH, if our learning together was not
complete, there was no way she was going to steal part of my future.  I
have no idea if my husband learned anything much from the experience,
except that his wife could find out anything she set her mind to and act
on it impassionately!  I know the other woman did, as she was engaged to
be married and had no idea she was about to receive a visitor who was
giving up all here to be with her (the illusion of herself she had
created by phone and mail to a secret location, that is).  And I learned
an immense amount about illusions and taking the easy road and how
strong I could be when it mattered. ( I was lucky.  I got my test
between marriages with kids to consider and still have the antique
clarinet to fondly remind me.)

By the by, being fiercely feminist is not in conflict with being happily
married, IMHO.  I think expressing life in feminist terms is simply
expressing what we find easy to categorize as the feminist side of the
whole person.  Just as being a tough negotiator in the workplace is
expressing the perceived masculine side.

Congratulations Thoa on the upcoming nuptuals and long life and
happiness on the path together.

enough for now
blessings
annette