Theos-Talk Archives (June 1998 Message tt00668)

After I sent this, I remembered a good book on this subject:

Ken Wilber's "The Atman Project"  (Quest Books) is a transpersonal
psychological view of human development.  Unlike most psychology texts, he
leans heavily on spiritual and mythic resources and also unlike most
psychological texts, he views the development of the personality as process
that continues to unfolds throughout adulthood and possibly beyond.

Pam
pgiese@snd.softfarm.com

"Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light..."

----------
> From: "Pam Giese" <pgiese@snd.softfarm.com>
> Subject: Re: Internet theatre
> Date: Saturday, June 27, 1998 8:00 AM
>
> > Brenda wrote:
> >
> > >Since my own son is shy, I'm
> > >fishing for data on the subject and he is so LOUD.  His voice is big
and
> > >booming.  I'm very glad to see a reserve that might help him to
control
> his
> > >nature. Since I'm his mother, I feel a responsibility for steering him
> in
> > >the right direction.  What do I do when he starts screaming in public?

> But
> > >won't answer a question or ask a question when I prompt him?
> >
>
> How old is your son again?
>
> This type of behavior is natural and common for children 3-5.  Children
are
> not born with the social skills to know what is appropriate or acceptable
> behavior and what is not.  It is one of our jobs as parents to teach
this.
> Young children also do not have the verbal skills to explain or analyze
> their feelings.  Little girls develop this earlier than little boys.
>
> Screaming and crying in public is a difficult situation to deal with.  At
> home it's easier --I always found a "time out" worked well ---and if the
> same standards of conduct are applied at home and away from home, it's
> easier for the child to learn.  The important thing to remember is that
> "giving in" to the reason for the screaming and crying or shouting only
> teaches that screaming, shouting, and crying are the way to get what you
> want.  When my daughter did this when she was young, she was told to stop
> and if possible removed from the scene.  When she did it at home, she got
a
> time out.  She'd also do the "running away from mommy in the store"
> routine.  When I'd catch up with her, she was scolded and I'd keep a
stern
> look to let her know this was wrong.  Children respond more to emotions
> than words, so it's as important to be emotionally consistent and that
your
> words, emotions, and actions don't send "cross messages".
>
> Of course, the above is only true for young children who grow out of this
> phase by the time they're in school fulltime and start developing a sense
> of friends/society and if the parents haven't instilled self-discipline
and
> action, teachers and social pressures will do it --in a much more painful
> fashion.  I've seen little boys who were allowed to "run wild"/"be their
> natural selves" hit the hard reality that if they didn't control
themselves
> enough to "play well" with other boys, the other boys wouldn't play with
> them.
>
> The word "discipline" has been an unpopular word but it's self-discipline
> that have gotten us here where we are now. Doesn't it take discipline to
> meditate?  Discipline to read and study?  The self-discipline we learn as
> children becomes the structure that we can build on the rest of our
lives.
>
> As I said before, the above goes for young children.  If he's over 9 and
> exhibiting this behavior, it would be time for some psychological help.
>
>
> Pam
> pgiese@snd.softfarm.com
>
> "Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light..."
>
>
>
>